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Daily Archives: August 8, 2018

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Christina E. Lupanow

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August 8, 2018

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General Writing Stuff, Writer By Night

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Who Do I Think I Am?

For the past several years, I have been battling depression. I didn’t know it for most of that time, but I did know that I was basically incapable of writing anything.

Recently, I have been doing much better. I finally found the right combination of medication. I started doing yoga. I’ve taken up meditation. I bought a bunch of crystals. Seriously, I’m not joking.

Anyway, the point is that I have been writing again! And I have quickly discovered that I am horrible at writing, all of my stories suck, and nobody will ever want to read them, let alone publish them.

Ahhh, self-doubt, ye heinous bastard.

Depression is the worst. It makes you feel mostly empty. It makes you feel like everything you do is meaningless. It makes you feel like you are a failure. And it takes away any desire to do things, even things that are fun. So you force yourself to do the things you have to do in order to live – go to work, eat, clean the litter box because it’s not your cat’s fault you don’t feel like doing anything ever, do the laundry, etc.

And yeah, that was a pretty low point for me. And I would consider my depression mild.

Now that I can write again, I’m finding myself dealing with completely different emotions that I just didn’t have the ability to feel before.

So I’m only just now finding that I have No Faith in my ability. Somewhere between being a care-free pre-teen writing doofy stories about dragons and finally writing again, I lost my confidence.

When I’m working on the story itself, I get all excited and I’m not worried about anything.

When I think about trying to get published, I get all freaked out and start wondering who I think I am.

Writers have to believe that someone is going to want to invest several hours of their time to read what they have written. I want what I write to be worthy of that time and I’m terrified that I will never be good enough to live up to that.

After reading this inspiring blog, I’m realizing that this comes with the territory. You wanna be a writer? Write! But also regularly lose all confidence in every word you’ve ever written!

Listen, I’m a Gemini. I’m used to dualities. (Side note for those who think horoscopes are hippie mumbo-jumbo: Gemini is represented by the Twins and they are generally known for having many different sides to them.) Now that I know this is normal, I’ll just be continually fluctuating between excitement and terror.

No biggie.

Now where my crystals at? I got work to do.

 

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The Dorkdom

Hey there, lucky reader! You’ve come across the blog of Christina E. Lupanow. You’re totally in for a treat because this person is crazy. She works in an office by day, but is a writer by night. Enjoy the nerdy shenanigans!

Also, if you want to follow this weirdo on Facebook or Instagram or if you just wanna check out all the previous blogs she’s written, scroll down a bit and you’ll find them. Don’t worry, this is the only place where she talks about herself in third person.

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Although I suffered a minor injury when I tripped over a curb, it was a nice night in St Augustine with family! The lights were so pretty and everything was festive. I’m feeling full of holly jollies. #staugustine #nightsoflights
Happy Thanksgiving!! I tried to get Sumo to take a selfie with me but he wouldn’t stop licking me 😂 Anyway, I hope everyone had a lovely time eating & hanging out with family today! I love you all! #thanksgiving
I decided it was time to get my 13th piercing so I went to Ms Deborah’s Fountain of Youth Tattoo and Piercing in St Augustine to get my septum pierced. My mom insisted on taking a ton of pictures, so here is a small selection! #piercing #septumpiercing #iloveit #happybirthdaytome
It was a beautiful day at Ponce Inlet. I had a delicious crab cake sandwich for lunch & we took Sumo to the beach. And yes I took a picture of the ashtray that said butts because I am twelve 😂 #florida #beach #ocean #crabcake #ponceinlet #lighthouse
It’s a chilly morning at Walt Disney World. Enjoy this dorky selfie. Yes there are cats on my mask! #waltdisneyworld #disneyworld #florida #floridaresident #catmask #sunnybutcold
Spent some time at the pier in Saint Augustine. It was a toasty 82 degrees on this January day! I’m sorry but after like 20 degrees being my norm in January, I’m in shock 😂

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The Junk Yard

ahoy Amazon Amsterdam amusing at the office audiobooks baby I know bizarre side effects blogger is dumb Body Positivity Books Brandon Sanderson Brother Webster Camp NaNoWriMo Crazy Town crying deal with it discovery writing don't be judgy mcjudgersons eBay elevators every little thing is gonna be all right fear goals goodreads Googling for daaays grants money Haruki Murakami head zaps horror I'm a writer I asked someone to take me to Funky Town. This is NOT Funky Town. I cry about everything all the time imaginary reader is talking to me again J.R.R. Tolkien lanyard Life love yourself NaNoWriMo new blog nightmare inducing nobody is perfect no caller id no promises oddments Office By Day office life Office Max has boxes of paper like you wouldn't believe outlining part two past me quirky quote re-spooling scared shitless spooling spools spooly spooly spool terror the first cut is the deepest The Post Of Lost Bloggings The Silmarillion This Week truth typewriter typewriter ribbons unspooling Webby Webby: using metal spools since 1965 weird welcome Word Wizard Writer By Night writing x

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